Communication in Marriage

Communication in Marriage – My wife brought up the idea of switching our daughter to a school that is about a 20 minute train ride away.  Currently, her school is about a block and a half away.  My knee jerk reaction was that this is not such a good idea, especially since it is already a challenge to get her to school now when the commute is one minute away.

Communication in Marriage

She asked me very nicely this morning if I would consider the school for a couple of months if she goes and visits and likes it.

I could have said -

• Sure, I will consider it if you like it.

Instead I said -

• Let’s talk about it after you like it.

Although my words seemed harmless, the message behind the words was.  I am not going to give you the satisfaction of a ‘yes’ answer right now.

There was no reason for this and no reason for me to withhold my cooperation.

A little back story: We both fell asleep on the couch last night and woke up at 3:00am.  She has a little routine that she goes through to make sure that the house is safe (stove turned off, door is locked, etc.).  Well, as she was going through this routine this morning, I was waking up and I could not get back to sleep.  As a result, my schedule was thrown off and I woke up on the other side of the bed this morning.  No excuse.

Anyway, I realized that my actions, although subtle did more to pull us apart than bring us together.

Here are a couple of thoughts to consider in your relationship and communication in marriage -

1. If you don’t have something nice to say, take a deep breath and count to ten - There is no reason to be mean or slightly condescending in the relationship.  These are passive aggressive communications, and, although, they may feel good in the moment, they are more damaging in the long haul.

2. Communicate clearly - On the surface, this comment may seem to contradict the first comment.  We should not withhold our feelings and should be honest about what is going on so we do not come to resent the other person.  However, there are so many other options that communicate the truth besides passive aggressive communications.  I could have said – No problem.  However, can we see if you like it first?

Relationships are fun and a series of challenges.  However, when considering communication in marriage, it is not a battle where one side wins and the other side loses.  If you head down that road, even if you are a winner, both of you will be losers.